Wednesday, January 20, 2010

What's that blasted goat doing back here! Really, I had it hidden but then it came wandering back.

Yesterday was great. I hide my goats and all went well. But this morning it came wandering back.

We went to the school to see Sweetie Heart in a play her class was doing. She did great! I'll see if I can upload it, but I haven't had much success so far. Anyway, after the show was over it was time to go home. Webby needed to get to work and the rest of us just needed to get home. Sweet Girl loves going to the school. There are so many great things. She didn't get into preschool this year, which is too bad, but Sweetie Heart didn't go to preschool either and is doing just great! Webby told Sweet Girl it was time to get going. She ignored him and kept playing. I got Squeak ready and again told her it was about time to leave. I got ready and Webby was ready to walk out without her. And in entered my goat. She saw it and took a bite. She started to scream! She screamed, "Don't leave without me!" Now we're in the school. There are lots of kids not the mention the teachers all around having to listen to my 4 year old scream. So I helped her a little, but then she started dawdling again so I got up and said let's go. She started screaming again. I took her by the hand and told her she can scream outside if she needed to. She grabbed her coat and mittens and out we went with her still screaming. So there she is screaming outside with only her snow pants and boots on. Luckily it's not too cold out today. I want to adequately represent the world to my children. I had to take a minute to look at her through someone else's eyes. What would someone else do? We walk. I start to coddle. Webby reminds me to keep walking. I suggested she stop, put the stuff on and catch up. Don't think I was supposed to do that, oops. She screams for me to stop and wait while she does it. She gains a bit of control of herself and asks again. What to do? On the one hand we already waited for her. On the other hand she calmed herself and asked. Well, we chose to keep walking. She walked home (only 4 blocks) carrying her coat and mittens. When we came in the house she said she was cold. She said she wanted to wear her coat. Webby told her that we will always give her enough time to put her coat on. I asked her what she would do different next time. She said, "Not keep playing."

A(ctivating Event) ~ Screaming
B(elief) ~ Children who scream draw attention to themselves to manipulate their parents to do what they want, and to make their parents looks bad.
B(elief) ~ Parents who have kids who scream don't have control over their kids and are bad parents.
C(onsequence) ~ I get angry, I help/save, I threaten (but don't always follow through)
D(isputation) ~ The real truth is that she screams to get my attention. She is seeing if it will get me what she wants me to. It also means that if something is happening to her that she doesn't like she will do what she needs to to get attention. That is actually a good thing when it comes to this scary world she live in. That means she will not be a victim.
E(ncourage Yourself) ~ When she screams I will.... Not sure what.... Vicki? (Is that cheating?)

I'm going to go hide that goat again. I'd really like to get rid of him all together. Time! It's all about time.


Anonymous said...

Don't bother hiding the goat. Bring it out in the open if they already know about it. Let them know you are working on this. That you notice HOW the child using the screaming to get your attention. That this strategy might not work so well in the outside world. So much learning here. Pick your head up and look at it from the top. You will find magic and miracles at your feet. Have fun.

Lorilee said...

I discovered some goats last night. The kids all seem to have their own individual goat (or two)they like to pay special attention to. I didn't have so much success saying "nothing" last night. Oh well, I'll try again. I'm really hoping to find some strategies to help those situations. I think I am seeing that one of my boys gets really sassy when he is excited and actually happy (Weird? hmmm.) Another seems to tease relentlessly because it's fun and it's something to do. Unfortunately the younger ones immitate the older ones and then it all goes downhill. I think removing my dynamic from the situation has some merit. I've been thinking about this new-to-me technique that Vicki is teaching. Great points.

Sarah said...

Lorilee- keep watching, Vicki teaches the strategies. Right now it is about discovery & new information. After you have that the strategies will actually work because you understand why you feel the way you do about the goats.