Sunday, January 24, 2010

Lateness. I hate being late. Like really hate being late. When I was single I was able to control that. I could show up early. No one knew how long I sat in my car waiting for the appropriate time to show up. I used to show up a whole class period early and sit outside my classroom when I was in college. I have control issues. I need to ABCDE it.

Then I got married and it got messy. Webby's history was not one of timeliness. He underestimated time and how long it would take to do something and then we'd be late for things. But I survived. I did take some liberties in telling him when we needed to be some place. But he has changed a lot and timeliness has become important to him as well.

Enter kids! Now that's throwing a wrench into things. Everything takes longer when you have kids. And babies add an additional 20-60 minutes on to my departure time. It makes things hard for my controlling self. And now that I'm doing my best to have the kids do for themselves it's really hard to get out the door on time. It was so much easier to just do it myself. But then I just get so tired of the kids blaming me that I didn't bring what they wanted and it takes so much time to pack all those bags.

Here's my biggest problem. Church! Yes, I said church. I enjoy going to church. But getting to church can be a bit of a problem. Webby has to be at church early for meetings, so it is just me and the 3 kids on Sundays. It. Is. Really. Hard. It is so hard for me to keep my mouth shut in the mornings. I am continually reminding my kids they need to get stuff done, asking my kids if they have everything, telling them they only have so many more minutes. It is so aggravating. And all I end up doing is working myself and the kids up. I have yanked the kids out of the house and into the car screaming. But the dawdling (button) makes me crazy. Sweet Girl has the tendency to do anything she doesn't need to be doing and waiting until the last minute to get herself together. Then I say let's go and she screams! (button)

So last week I decided I was going to let it go. I am supposed to be at church a bit early. But that just isn't going to happen. I would reflect on the morning as I was driving to church thinking how crazy it was that things were going the way they were. How in the world can I feel the spirit when I am so angry? What am I teaching my kids by yelling at them all the way to church? And so last week I let it go. I decided that we would get there when we get there. And we were late, but not by much (only 15 minutes). And again this week we were late. But you know what, being late isn't so bad. And we have had nice rides to church. I just get ready and wait in the car when I'm ready. When the kids are ready they come out to the car and then we go. No fighting. No screaming. No badgering.

Trading timeliness for peace is so worth it!


Lorilee said...

That's great! Good for you! It is soo hard when there are so many other people involved in the timeliness factor. Letting go of control issues is tough too, I'm trying some of that myself.

Breathebeast said...

Wow, that feels so brave...i hate being late, too, but also hate how my feeling rushed changes my relationship with everyone (including husband) have let some of it go...still trying to figure out how to frame this in my life to work with family...