Thursday, January 21, 2010

So I found a new goat. My oldest wears the same clothes almost every day. Last year, I made a 2 day rule. If it's been worn for 2 days or is dirty after 1 day it needs to go in the hamper. I know it's interfering, so I haven't been nagging as much about it. More like sighing to myself and looking away.

From birth until Sweetie Heart was in the kindergarten I didn't really let her pick her own clothes out. She could pick out part and then I would pick out something that matched with it. She became very discouraged in kindergarten because I would have her pick out her own clothes and then I would "check" to make sure it matched. If it didn't I'd tell her why it didn't and make her do it again. A very good friend of mine told me to let it go. She said, "Sweetie Heart is an artist. T|Let her express herself whatever way she wants." And so I let it go. I don't always like it but I let it be.

Wearing clean mismatched clothes is one thing. But wearing dirty clothes just really gets to me. I know she has her favorite clothes to wear, who doesn't! But wearing them everyday even when they are dirty upsets me. She has worn the same outfit for at least 7 out of the last 10 days. She has put it in the hamper, because it's dirty and she knows it, just to take it out again the next day and say it wasn't really dirty. Did I mention it's a white, long sleeve shirt. Today I put my foot done. The sleeves are gray. I haven't even had the chance to wash it because she won't leave it in the laundry long enough to have it washed. It has holes in the sleeves that she pokes her fingers through and makes them bigger. I try to keep it at least mended, but can't do that when she won't take it off long enough. I'm not sure why but I won't mend it until it's washed.

A(ctivating event) ~ wearing dirty clothes & wearing the same thing every day
B(elief) ~ children who wear dirty are unhygienic and their bodies are dirty
B(elief) ~ parents who have children how wear dirty clothes are dirty, don't care about their children & have no concept nor teach hygiene
C(onsequence) ~ I tell her she has to go change, make her feel bad about not being able to tell on her own that something is dirty, she then complains that she doesn't have anything to wear (despite her full to over flowing drawer of clothes)
D(isputation) ~ no that stuff isn't true. people see me all the time and can see I'm not a dirty person. But I've seen people who look clean but live in filth. not teaching the hygiene thing...well not sure about that. but having to remind her to bathe, change her underwear and change her clothes gets old. *not caring what other people think is good, she won't be swayed by others?
E(ncourage yourself) ~ this too shall pass. she will become aware, at some point, that she does care how she looks to other people. hmm *.

Oh and did I mention she doesn't brush her hair.

That's all!


Sherry Carpet said...

ah, memories. i remember my favorite shirt at that age: a striped turtleneck. every single day.

Kelly said...

Is it one of the plain long sleeve white shirts from some place like Target? You know the ones that are around $4? Maybe you could buy, like, 5 of the same shirt?
Or, give her a job in helping with the laundry. Maybe she'll be fascinated enough with the machinery that she'll want to wash clothes everyday! Yeah, yeah, who am I kidding, right?

Lorilee said...

Yes, I thought it would pass too. It did, for my oldest. About age 13! Now he is very particular. :) I'm still waiting and hoping my current 13 year old will start to care. In the meantime, I do feel like I nag too much; but what do you do if you can't even stand to ride in the same car? Really... :P :P

Maren said...

Totally understand. I know you're trying to work within some very particular parenting concepts and I don't know how this would fit in, but if it was my 6 year old girl (you know who), I would simply remove the offending shirt from the equation. Take it, hide it, wash it, mend it, hide it a few more weeks. Sounds not so nice, but sometimes a little person has to be forced to see the other choices available.

As for bathing, that's a tough one. I have only had to give one sponge bath to a screaming child. It's not fun, but neither is a really smelly, dirty kid. There was no discussion. I said nothing, just did the job without guilt, harassment, coddling or anything. As a parent, I feel responsible at some point. Good luck!