Giraffe

Let me introduce you to the newest member of our family. This is Giraffe. He was born Sunday 3 March 2012 at 11:40am (I think.) He was 8lbs 2ozs and 21 1/2 in long. No, you don't get to know his real name on this blog. I like to protect my innocents. I also reserve the right to change his nickname on this blog, like I did with Squeak/ Little Man.

So why the nickname Giraffe? I knew you would ask that question. We didn't have a name picked out ahead of time. We didn't know if it was a boy or girl and we tend to either disagree or not even use the names we talked about so we didn't really bother this time around. When Sweetie Heart asked what his name was I didn't have an answer. She kept calling him by Little Man's name. She said to me, "Mom! He needs a name of his own." So I told her to call him Giraffe. "Why" she asked. "Because I like giraffes and I like him, too!" So there you have it. After 2 days he finally does have a name. Praise be.

Things I've Noticed

Over the past few months, I've been observing myself and my family. Here's some of the things I've learned.

Myself

• I like to be in control (WHAT!?!?!)
• I nag, badger, speak sternly (my kids call it yelling) to get my way
• I feel unappreciated most days
• When the kids are fighting, yelling, screaming, instigating each other, I have a hard time staying out of it
• I feel like if I could get this "parenting thing" right my kids wouldn't do the above and we'd all be happy and helpful and kind to each other
• When we are all peaceful and kind, the whole family has more fun together
• I want to say "yes" to everything my kids ask from me
• Feel bad when I have to say "no"
• Compares my worse to others best
• Has a hard time overcoming the "what will the neighbors think" thing
• Feels freer when I pass give up a chore to the kids

Sweetie Heart

• When she feels discouraged she tries to bring everyone down with her
• She can, when she puts her mind (and prayers) to it, overcome her anger and frustration with others
• She is quick to react with her temper (see above)
• She is quick to reset if time is taken with her alone to help her feel connected
• She feels like she needs to be perfect (hmm, I wonder where she gets that)
• Time has no meaning, unless it's her time
• She feels entitled in some things but not everything
• She has a subtle way of making people engage in a battle with her
• When something is bothering her she attacks the family without cause
• She is reliant on verbal cues (ie reminding) to get stuff done and easily "forgets" to do stuff whether she's asked to or it is routine

Sweet Girl

• When she gets mad or discouraged, she screams to make everyone else miserable
• When screaming doesn't work, she goes to her room to be alone and resets on her own
• Does not respond well to verbal cues
• Responds well to a bell to signal the next step (contribution time)
• Whines to get her way
• Time doesn't matter. The future works itself out without her and she's usually fine with that
• Wants verbal cues to keep her on schedule in the morning
• Is very generous and loving
• When asked nicely with respond in kind

Little Man

• Asks for help doing things he can do by himself
• Whines and tantrums to get his way. When ignored moves on and forgets it and moves on
• Screams when Sweet Girl takes his things away to get his way
• Throws more tantrums when Sweetie Heart is here because she gives into him
• Like to play in his room alone before taking his nap
• Is content on his own in his room in the morning
• Is more capable then I ask him to be

I'm sure there are a ton more. I need to focus more on the positive things, like the fact they can and do make themselves a hot breakfast most mornings all by themselves. They make their own lunches. They help me make dinner. They help can and do play well together most of the time. They do their own laundry. They bathe themselves. They pick out their own clothes and dress themselves. They do their contributions very well. They know 'how' to do lots of stuff, they just don't.

I am hearing small statements of entitlement. Which really bothers me. But it isn't all their fault. I know that I made that beast. Now I need to tame it. Not with retaliation, but with kindness. I should probably start by apologizing that I taught them that first ans then move forward from there. Here is a great post I just read.

Entitled

I just read a post/ article (how do I figure out which it is?) called "Is My Kid entitled? How to Tell" and it really intrigued me. When I saw the headline I had to go and read it so I could find out if my kids are entitled.

I found out that it's not an easy answer. Are they ever? The answer is yes and no. When I look at the behavior my kids exhibit, sometimes they do act entitled and sometimes they don't. Hmmm, what's a mom to do?

My answer is to reflect. As I look back on my kids and their behavior, I have to say that in the past they have acted more entitled than they do now. I credit the education I got through the Parenting on Track Program and my own and Webby's personal conviction to teach our kids that life will not just be handed to you. Upon reflection, however, I figured out that's exactly what I was doing. There is a difference in inviting your kids to participate in their lives and asking their opinion, or what they want on everything.

I remember as a new mom going to the store and my little cherub saying she wanted something and I would get it for her. "She's only little once," my mind would tell me. Or, "Who doesn't want a little treat every now and then. Surely, she deserves it. She's just spent time at the grocery store with me." Or worst of all, "I want that, too. So I'll use her desires to fulfill my wants." No, a treat every now in then does not make an entitled child. But what about every week. I remember asking my 2 year old what she wanted for lunch. Not a big deal, she has her preferences. But I would also make 2 dinners. One for Webby and I and one for her. Because, honestly, how could I possibly require a child to eat an adult meal. Not that she didn't do it all the time, but when she didn't want to then it was different. I remember my mom telling me she ask my daughter what she wanted to eat and she said, "Cajun Salmon." Nuff said.

So what about now? How is it different? I don't really have all the answers. I can tell you I make one meal for dinner. If you like it , great! If not, too bad. The next meal comes around eventually. No snacks in between and no, you can't have a spoon full of peanut butter and some bread. Breakfast and lunch, on the whole, my kids are in charge of fixing for themselves.

One of the best things I ever did for myself was to teach my kids how to do laundry. I figured out recently, that laundry was one of those things that was making problems with my relationship with my kids. I would do the laundry or "help" them with the laundry. Then I would separate the clothes into individual baskets and stack them in my room or their room. In either place the baskets would just sit until I said I needed them again. Then the clothes would be dumped on the floor with the dirty clothes (yes, there was a hamper in there) and it would get all mixed up and I'd end up washing clean clothes. Does that make anyone else angry? If they baskets were in my room then they would take out the clothes they wanted, when they wanted them. You get the picture.

Now honestly, I don't want something stupid like laundry getting in the way of our relationship. So I came up with this solution.

Each child gets 1 ticket each week. That ticket is good for 1 wash and 1 dry. They don't have to use their ticket and they can keep collecting them as they want up to 5 tickets. If they need to wash something but don't have a ticket they can pay $1 for each wash and or dry. New tickets go in one side, used tickets or money goes in the other. They can separate their clothes by colors and share the responsibility or they can throw all their stuff into one load (that's what I did in college.) I won't say a word about any of it, unless they leave their stuff in the washer or dryer. They can leave it clean in the basket or fold and put it away. Whatever, it's their stuff. They have been trained how to take care of their stuff. What they decide to do is their decision. How nice it is to not have that on my back anymore.

Why did I tell you that? I have no idea. It just came to my head and I posted it. That's how I roll sometimes.

Take a few minutes, if you haven't already, and go read that article (I decided it was an article.) It's very insightful.

prayer

What 3 blog posts in 1 week!? Of course, one of them wasn't done by me and the other only contained pictures...but still.

Just wanted to share something funny. Last night Sweet Girl (6) was saying family prayer. She tends to make them more of a personal prayer said with the family but it's good practice. Today we are going to church to do a bit of organizing in the library. We told the kids about it last night at dinner. They will be eating dinner and watching a movie while Webby and I (hopefully) get the work done quickly.

During her prayer she said, "Pray that we will be able to watch "Megamind." Pray that we can have a picnic. Pray that we can wear pants." At which point Sweetie Heart and I busted up laughing. She stopped praying for a minute but continued as we tried to contain our laughter. I wasn't mocking her. It just seemed so unrelated. After the prayer, she looked at me quizzically and said, "What's funny?" Webby gave her a hug and basically said he understood what she was saying. I didn't get it. She was praying that they could wear pants to the church instead of a dress, which we do for church and other events at church.

Here's another cute one.

Did you catch it?

Love that kid!

Reading and Reflections

This is a guest post from Webby

I love this picture.

Here we see the power of connection between teacher and student, transcendent of subject, building on a legacy of trust and service.

Elder Johnson, as with his companion, and countless, yet numbered unto God, other Missionaries have profoundly influenced and blessed our family. Through their devoted service, whether scrubbing our basement walls, showing forth the love of God by sharing a story with one of His daughters, or encouraging us to consider and work for the eternal welfare of ourselves and our neighbors; the will of Our Father in Heaven is manifest.

Sweetie Heart, 2 in this picture, is now 9 and has a strong, increasing desire to serve as a Missionary in due time; with such wonderful influences as the many Missionaries we have been privileged to serve and share time with, it is easy to understand – if you haven’t recently had Missionaries to your home to eat a meal and share testimony of the Savior, I implore you to do so, and promise blessings if you will. The other day, Sweetie Heart brought this picture to Mama, which inspired a search resulting in this discovery: last fall, Brother Johnson, now a soldier, still serving in the way he has undoubtedly been directed by the Lord; returned to his beautiful family from a time in Iraq – here is the link to pictures that shared this happy news with us. How grateful we are to see him with such blessings as an eternal companion and children. Without being name specific, we have prayed much for the welfare of him and his family. We are grateful for the abundance granted us, and for those who serve to preserve such as we enjoy – may we all strive to give more freely and more freedom to all.

Next guest post: Service coordination between Vermont and Zimbabwe.

Pictures

Not much going on...or maybe too much going on to tell you all about it. So for today here are some pictures.

32 weeks

Parenting On Track eBook Review

I am honored to be ask to give a review of Vicki Hoefle's eBook, Real Parents. Real Progress, (available for download for your Kindle, Nook, ipad or as a pdf) that will launch on November 17th!

First, I was excited to hear that Vicki was writing an eBook! Vicki is incredibly down to earth and honest about parenting. She shares her own struggles and mistakes and is an amazing person and resource. She is down and dirty and very, very honest.

The basic layout of this book is great. It gives a basic overview of each chapter of the Parenting on Track Program, asks you a question and then breaks the page before beginning stories from real life parents using the program on the next page. I love that the question is right there, begging you to look for the answer within yourself without feeling rushed to keep reading. At the same time, you feel compelled to keep reading because you want to hear how other families answered the question.

This book is inspiring. As a mother, a wife, a home manager and (everything else that I am), it can be difficult to balance it all. I am continually looking for inspiration from other mothers and Parenting on Trackers to give me a shift in perspective. I love reading about their successes, aha moments and even failures. It inspires me to tweak what I am doing. It helps me see where I am slipping up. This book puts it all together for me.

This book gives even those who have not taken the Parenting on Track classes encouragement to be better, to do better, to raise thinking kids. However, it is not an inexpensive replacement for the program. There is no replacement for the Parenting on Track Program. If you are looking for a great book of encouragement for parents, check out Vicki Hoefle's new eBook, Real Parents. Real Progress . If you are looking to start your own Parenting on Track journey look at the home program!

Done List

There is so much to blog about but I am just too tired to think of much. So this is what you get. A few weeks ago a friend said she was throwing out her "To Do List" and was instituting the "Done List." I thought that was a great idea! So I've been writing down all the stuff I've done this week.

Done List for the week

• Walked 5.5+ miles
• picked up Webby's car from shop and paid bill
• 7 load of laundry washed, dried and put away
• cleaned bathroom, including: shower, tub, sink, toilet, floor
• made granola bars
• made cookies
• attended parent teacher conference
• went to grocery store
• arranged a babysitter
• took Little Man to story time
• took 2 naps
• attended the Fun Run at the school
• dehydrated apples
• helped the girls sort and change over too small and winter clothes.

Not too shabby when you look at it that way. That's not mentioning cleaning the kitchen with Sweetie Heart each night and making a few breakfasts, lunches and dinners. Some days I did a lot more than other days but it all balances out.

The month of June is a big one for us. Webby and Sweetie Heart have birthdays 3 days apart! We had a great time celebrating both of their births. Webby also took Little Man (formally know as Squeak) on his first Fathers and Sons Camp out. They both had a really great time! Little Man was entertaining for all. He really does love being out of doors. He's all about 'side?' and 'go?' He loves it. We've been gardening at a friend's house and he just loves digging in the dirt, as well as throwing it, laying in it, rolling around in it. Dirt is fun! I am becoming more relaxed about being dirty. We went berry picking and Little Man had the best time. When I handed him a berry to eat he rubbed it on his chin first feeling the seeds. I told him to bit it, which he was hesitant to do. But once he tasted it, he was hooked. And there was a whole field FULL of berries for him to pick and eat. He now comes into the kitchen when he is hungry and asks, 'bewwies?"

new photos

For my dad and everyone else who wants to see how cute my kids are!