Monday, February 22, 2010
Because I Know You Just Can't Get Enough!
Here's Squeak almost 6 months old now. He's changing so much!
Grace
I am sitting here at the computer listing to Taylor Swift's Breathe, a baby sleeping on my chest in the Ergo, the girls upstairs in the bath playing together and I'm crying. Why? Because I have been blessed with so much grace today. We worked together. We played together. We've loved each other. It's been an amazing day.
I let go of today the way Vicki has been encouraging me to do. And you know what? Today has gone so well. Grace.
I let go of today the way Vicki has been encouraging me to do. And you know what? Today has gone so well. Grace.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Weeks 5: The Road Map & Week 6: The Crucial C's
Week 5: The Road Map!
This is a technique that will help you both get to where you want to go. I'm making some up right now. I'll post pictures when I'm done. Vicki offered Forum members a teleclass! This totally explained the Road Map so much better to me. I think I actually understand it now. It can be used to train on a small and large scale. Basically, it just setting long and short term goals and taking time to celebrate a long the way. So simple and yet it has had me a bit confused.
Week 6: The Crucial C's
This is one of my favorite strategies. When I went through the program the first time and practiced this I saw immediate results! It's about taking the time to connect with your kids on a daily basis. It's about helping them to feel capable. It's about helping them to see that their contribution to the family is not just nice but essential for the home to run smoothly. It's about courage and helping them to know that you have faith in them and what they can do, no matter how hard.
It also takes time for me to do this. I have to use my Road Map to make my plan on how I'm going to do this. But when I give up all the nagging, reminding, badgering etc, then I have the time to focus on the Crucial C's! I'll let you know how it goes.
The Crucial Cs were developed by Drs. Betty Lou Bettner and Amy Lew. For additional information on this topic, please visit http://www.connexionspress.com/books.htm
In other news, I think Squeak has food allergies. Very sad, but I'm seeing the signs and am talking action. Most of you know that Sweet Girl had some pretty severe food allergies that started almost at birth. Squeak is getting some of the same symptoms...facial rash, patches of eczema on his back, arms and legs. I talked to the doctor and she recommended that I do an elimination diet, which was what I had planned to do. I'm eliminating all the things Sweet Girl was allergic to. Not too much; eggs, dairy, nuts, beef. The beginning is always the toughest. It's the, What do I eat, now? question. I've done it before so here I go. Wish us luck!
Sweetie Heart has decided that she wants to play the guitar. So she is now saving her money to buy on. She has a bit from Christmas that she has saved. We went to the music store and she held one. She really wants it now, but Webby and I talked about it and have agreed that her saving her money for it and having to delay gratifacation is the right thing to do. We will pay for her lessons once she gets one. I've already looked in to lessons locally.
Sweet Girl started doing art classes at a local art studio that is run by a friend. She has really been enjoying it. Next session she will be doing a Pirate Art class. She is very excited about it. She loves pirates! My sister-in-law sent a pirate costume and Sweet Girl dressed up as one for Halloween!
This is a technique that will help you both get to where you want to go. I'm making some up right now. I'll post pictures when I'm done. Vicki offered Forum members a teleclass! This totally explained the Road Map so much better to me. I think I actually understand it now. It can be used to train on a small and large scale. Basically, it just setting long and short term goals and taking time to celebrate a long the way. So simple and yet it has had me a bit confused.
Week 6: The Crucial C's
This is one of my favorite strategies. When I went through the program the first time and practiced this I saw immediate results! It's about taking the time to connect with your kids on a daily basis. It's about helping them to feel capable. It's about helping them to see that their contribution to the family is not just nice but essential for the home to run smoothly. It's about courage and helping them to know that you have faith in them and what they can do, no matter how hard.
It also takes time for me to do this. I have to use my Road Map to make my plan on how I'm going to do this. But when I give up all the nagging, reminding, badgering etc, then I have the time to focus on the Crucial C's! I'll let you know how it goes.
The Crucial Cs were developed by Drs. Betty Lou Bettner and Amy Lew. For additional information on this topic, please visit http://www.connexionspress.
In other news, I think Squeak has food allergies. Very sad, but I'm seeing the signs and am talking action. Most of you know that Sweet Girl had some pretty severe food allergies that started almost at birth. Squeak is getting some of the same symptoms...facial rash, patches of eczema on his back, arms and legs. I talked to the doctor and she recommended that I do an elimination diet, which was what I had planned to do. I'm eliminating all the things Sweet Girl was allergic to. Not too much; eggs, dairy, nuts, beef. The beginning is always the toughest. It's the, What do I eat, now? question. I've done it before so here I go. Wish us luck!
Sweetie Heart has decided that she wants to play the guitar. So she is now saving her money to buy on. She has a bit from Christmas that she has saved. We went to the music store and she held one. She really wants it now, but Webby and I talked about it and have agreed that her saving her money for it and having to delay gratifacation is the right thing to do. We will pay for her lessons once she gets one. I've already looked in to lessons locally.
Sweet Girl started doing art classes at a local art studio that is run by a friend. She has really been enjoying it. Next session she will be doing a Pirate Art class. She is very excited about it. She loves pirates! My sister-in-law sent a pirate costume and Sweet Girl dressed up as one for Halloween!
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Welcome to Parenting On Track™
For those of you who have not seen her and for those of you who follow her like an obsessed person (ahem), here is another opportunity to learn from Vicki.
Thursday, February 18 at 8pm.
Go here, watch and register. What better way to spend 60 minutes than with my BFF. See you there!
Welcome to Parenting On Track™
Posted using ShareThis
Thursday, February 18 at 8pm.
Go here, watch and register. What better way to spend 60 minutes than with my BFF. See you there!
Welcome to Parenting On Track™
Posted using ShareThis
Friday, February 5, 2010
Week 4: Four Mistaken Goal of Behavior
This is a great week full of discovery! Vicki's explanation will be better than anything I have to say. Inn essence it comes down to this. Kids do what they do to get our attention. Kids don't care what kind of attention they get or how they get it. So the act up and act out to get our attention.
Kids want to belong. They want to know where they fit in the family. Here are four ways they do it.
The question for the week is, "How does understanding my feelings about my child’s behavior, change the way I see situations?"
So I wrote down the list and have been keeping track for how my kids attention seeking behavior makes me feel. I mist say, there are things that I am able to ignore pretty well. It doesn't push my buttons anymore. But I'm aware of that and am still keeping track of when that tactic is being used. So far what I am seeing is this. Both of the girls mostly use undue attention and power. Sweetie Heart uses power more often and will slip into revenge and assumed inadequacy/ avoidance but that has only happened a couple of times this week. Sweet Girl use undue attention the most, power occasionally and usually with her sister. Revenge and avoidance has only been used a few times in her life (she's only 4) and interestingly in the last couple of months.
Being aware of my feelings when they do these things is helping me to see what they are trying to get out of me. It all comes back to attention. One of the things Vicki said that really struck me, like a brick to the forehead, is this, "A misbehaving child is a discouraged child." So my children are discouraged and want to know they have a place in my heart. But the things they do make me push them away and they become more discouraged.
So now I'm wondering, how do you ignore the weed and at the same time encourage them that they have place when they using one of the four mistaken goals of behavior? I'm thinking the answer might be, that we need to encourage them when they are not in that place and ignore the weed when they are.
This is the last week of discovery. I have learned so much about myself. I have broken down so many on my own roadblocks. I have delved deeper into my own issues. I am understanding myself better and am realizing why I behave the way I do. And, hopefully, I'm becoming better. I slip back but I'm doing the best I can to step forward into what really works.
The real work is about to start. Fasten your seat belts!
Kids want to belong. They want to know where they fit in the family. Here are four ways they do it.
- Undue Attention
- Power
- Revenge
- Assumed Inadequacy/ Avoidance
The question for the week is, "How does understanding my feelings about my child’s behavior, change the way I see situations?"
So I wrote down the list and have been keeping track for how my kids attention seeking behavior makes me feel. I mist say, there are things that I am able to ignore pretty well. It doesn't push my buttons anymore. But I'm aware of that and am still keeping track of when that tactic is being used. So far what I am seeing is this. Both of the girls mostly use undue attention and power. Sweetie Heart uses power more often and will slip into revenge and assumed inadequacy/ avoidance but that has only happened a couple of times this week. Sweet Girl use undue attention the most, power occasionally and usually with her sister. Revenge and avoidance has only been used a few times in her life (she's only 4) and interestingly in the last couple of months.
Being aware of my feelings when they do these things is helping me to see what they are trying to get out of me. It all comes back to attention. One of the things Vicki said that really struck me, like a brick to the forehead, is this, "A misbehaving child is a discouraged child." So my children are discouraged and want to know they have a place in my heart. But the things they do make me push them away and they become more discouraged.
So now I'm wondering, how do you ignore the weed and at the same time encourage them that they have place when they using one of the four mistaken goals of behavior? I'm thinking the answer might be, that we need to encourage them when they are not in that place and ignore the weed when they are.
This is the last week of discovery. I have learned so much about myself. I have broken down so many on my own roadblocks. I have delved deeper into my own issues. I am understanding myself better and am realizing why I behave the way I do. And, hopefully, I'm becoming better. I slip back but I'm doing the best I can to step forward into what really works.
The real work is about to start. Fasten your seat belts!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Get a Tissue
Here's another wonderful message. Good luck keeping your eyes dry.
Here's what I am realizing. As I let go of my control. Look deeper at the way I am and why. I am discovering who I can be....who I want to be. That person is different. That person laughs more, loves stronger and enjoys the moment because she knows it is the moments that make a life truly fulfilling. Like the message in the video, the events are great but the ordinary, everyday is the stuff is miraculous. And too soon you are saying goodbye and welcome to adulthood and still worrying if you prepared them enough. We spend so much time protecting them and holding them back when they are young. Trying to keep them young, when in fact, from the day they are born they are moving away from you. Now is the time to teach and encourage and love to the fullest. And as we let go and teach we pull our children closer because they trust that we are not going to hold them back.
Here's what I am realizing. As I let go of my control. Look deeper at the way I am and why. I am discovering who I can be....who I want to be. That person is different. That person laughs more, loves stronger and enjoys the moment because she knows it is the moments that make a life truly fulfilling. Like the message in the video, the events are great but the ordinary, everyday is the stuff is miraculous. And too soon you are saying goodbye and welcome to adulthood and still worrying if you prepared them enough. We spend so much time protecting them and holding them back when they are young. Trying to keep them young, when in fact, from the day they are born they are moving away from you. Now is the time to teach and encourage and love to the fullest. And as we let go and teach we pull our children closer because they trust that we are not going to hold them back.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Control...
or lack there of. That's what I have. I have this need for control. I think I already said that. But here's the thing, I, for some reason, want to control the kids. I want them to do what I say. And I want them to control themselves, even though they have never been taught. And yet I don't control myself. When My kids get mad I want them to act rationally, but I don't. I expect more from them then I do from myself. If I want them to change, I am going to have to change first. Where I lead they will follow, it's worked so far, just in the negative.
Vicki has called me on the carpet a few times about my control issues. She won't give me the answers on how to fix the kids. She told me it's about me and I need to get to the bottom of that before things are going to change. So here it goes.
A- Children manipulating/ trying to control each other
B- Children who are controlling are mean, selfish, bossy. They will seek out and take advantage of those who are weaker than they are. People won't want to be their friends. They may even be evil. They have deep seated issues that make them miserable so they seek to have others miserable with them.
B- Parents of controlling children either are also controlling or have no control over their children. They are door mats and give their children everything they want or they make their children feel bad about everything. They are pushing their issues onto their children.
C- I get mad and lecture how" no one will want to play with you." Use "how would it feel if it were yous." And ironic enough, manipulate back.
D- I'm a controlling person and I have friends. This is a person how knows what they want and looks for ways to get it. They are good a delegating (well not me so much) and working with others. They may even be able to compromise with others for a desired result. Controlling my children will set them up for some really hard lessons AND they will be more likely to be influenced by their peers instead of influencing them
E- Not so bad of a future. I'm not a bad person, but I do need to let go of my own issues, so as to not pass them on. Controlling my kids will not get me my desired result, which is a close relationship with my children.
I've been working on it. Here's another example of letting go. Mondays and Wednesdays are long days. Webby has school so it's just me and the kids in the evenings. That can be trying. I have a tendency to say no when the kids ask me if they can make something in the kitchen, especially if it's while I'm making dinner. Mostly it's because they need help and I'm busy doing something else. I'm on a very tight evening schedule, with dinner at 5pm and bedtime at 7pm!
Mondays Sweetie Heart meets with her mentor after school. So that means I go pick her up an hour before dinner. Yes, I know 5pm is early for most people, but it works for us. Anyways here's how it went.
Me- Do you want to make a Wacky Cake when we get home?
SH- No, will you make it?
Me- No I need to make dinner when we get home. I won't have time.
SH- Is there any other dessert?
Me- No
SH- Well, I guess I'll make it then.
Me- You don't have to.
SH- But I want dessert, so I guess I'll make it.
My assumption is that we will get home and she will make it in plenty of time to have dinner on the table at 5pm. Nope! She did her homework, played and then came in at 4:40pm ready to make the cake. Now in the past I've said no dice. You wasted your time doing other things. Now it's too late. Tough cookies. Well...I don't usually say tough cookies, but I defiantly give out that vibe. But yesterday I didn't. I said okay...go for it. And she did. I did help minimally, explaining measuring and getting high stuff down, but other wise she did it. She's don't it before, so that's why I made the suggestion in the first place. She made a mess and cleaned it up. Dinner was on the table 20 minutes late, but who cares. They still got to bed on time and even if they didn't what's the big deal. I need to stop sending the message that I can't wait for them to go to bed. I need to stop sending the message that I don't have time to teach them or that they can do things when they learn to do it right and right on time. I need to be flexible and go with the flow. I need to let them know I have time and want to be with them. And even when they make a mess it's no big deal, messes can be cleaned up.
Funny, too. Yesterday evening went very smoothly. The girls didn't fight much. They did the things they needed to, mostly without my reminding (I'm working on it) and we all went to be happy.
How's that Vicki? Did I miss anything?
Vicki has called me on the carpet a few times about my control issues. She won't give me the answers on how to fix the kids. She told me it's about me and I need to get to the bottom of that before things are going to change. So here it goes.
A- Children manipulating/ trying to control each other
B- Children who are controlling are mean, selfish, bossy. They will seek out and take advantage of those who are weaker than they are. People won't want to be their friends. They may even be evil. They have deep seated issues that make them miserable so they seek to have others miserable with them.
B- Parents of controlling children either are also controlling or have no control over their children. They are door mats and give their children everything they want or they make their children feel bad about everything. They are pushing their issues onto their children.
C- I get mad and lecture how" no one will want to play with you." Use "how would it feel if it were yous." And ironic enough, manipulate back.
D- I'm a controlling person and I have friends. This is a person how knows what they want and looks for ways to get it. They are good a delegating (well not me so much) and working with others. They may even be able to compromise with others for a desired result. Controlling my children will set them up for some really hard lessons AND they will be more likely to be influenced by their peers instead of influencing them
E- Not so bad of a future. I'm not a bad person, but I do need to let go of my own issues, so as to not pass them on. Controlling my kids will not get me my desired result, which is a close relationship with my children.
I've been working on it. Here's another example of letting go. Mondays and Wednesdays are long days. Webby has school so it's just me and the kids in the evenings. That can be trying. I have a tendency to say no when the kids ask me if they can make something in the kitchen, especially if it's while I'm making dinner. Mostly it's because they need help and I'm busy doing something else. I'm on a very tight evening schedule, with dinner at 5pm and bedtime at 7pm!
Mondays Sweetie Heart meets with her mentor after school. So that means I go pick her up an hour before dinner. Yes, I know 5pm is early for most people, but it works for us. Anyways here's how it went.
Me- Do you want to make a Wacky Cake when we get home?
SH- No, will you make it?
Me- No I need to make dinner when we get home. I won't have time.
SH- Is there any other dessert?
Me- No
SH- Well, I guess I'll make it then.
Me- You don't have to.
SH- But I want dessert, so I guess I'll make it.
My assumption is that we will get home and she will make it in plenty of time to have dinner on the table at 5pm. Nope! She did her homework, played and then came in at 4:40pm ready to make the cake. Now in the past I've said no dice. You wasted your time doing other things. Now it's too late. Tough cookies. Well...I don't usually say tough cookies, but I defiantly give out that vibe. But yesterday I didn't. I said okay...go for it. And she did. I did help minimally, explaining measuring and getting high stuff down, but other wise she did it. She's don't it before, so that's why I made the suggestion in the first place. She made a mess and cleaned it up. Dinner was on the table 20 minutes late, but who cares. They still got to bed on time and even if they didn't what's the big deal. I need to stop sending the message that I can't wait for them to go to bed. I need to stop sending the message that I don't have time to teach them or that they can do things when they learn to do it right and right on time. I need to be flexible and go with the flow. I need to let them know I have time and want to be with them. And even when they make a mess it's no big deal, messes can be cleaned up.
Funny, too. Yesterday evening went very smoothly. The girls didn't fight much. They did the things they needed to, mostly without my reminding (I'm working on it) and we all went to be happy.
How's that Vicki? Did I miss anything?
2009 in Review
You might have seen most of these already. But here are two slide shows for our 2009 year! Enjoy!
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