Monday, February 13, 2012

Things I've Noticed

Over the past few months, I've been observing myself and my family. Here's some of the things I've learned.

  • I like to be in control (WHAT!?!?!)
  • I nag, badger, speak sternly (my kids call it yelling) to get my way
  • I feel unappreciated most days
  • When the kids are fighting, yelling, screaming, instigating each other, I have a hard time staying out of it
  • I feel like if I could get this "parenting thing" right my kids wouldn't do the above and we'd all be happy and helpful and kind to each other
  • When we are all peaceful and kind, the whole family has more fun together
  • I want to say "yes" to everything my kids ask from me
  • Feel bad when I have to say "no"
  • Compares my worse to others best
  • Has a hard time overcoming the "what will the neighbors think" thing
  • Feels freer when I pass give up a chore to the kids
Sweetie Heart
  • When she feels discouraged she tries to bring everyone down with her
  • She can, when she puts her mind (and prayers) to it, overcome her anger and frustration with others
  • She is quick to react with her temper (see above)
  • She is quick to reset if time is taken with her alone to help her feel connected
  • She feels like she needs to be perfect (hmm, I wonder where she gets that)
  • Time has no meaning, unless it's her time
  • She feels entitled in some things but not everything
  • She has a subtle way of making people engage in a battle with her
  • When something is bothering her she attacks the family without cause
  • She is reliant on verbal cues (ie reminding) to get stuff done and easily "forgets" to do stuff whether she's asked to or it is routine
Sweet Girl
  • When she gets mad or discouraged, she screams to make everyone else miserable
  • When screaming doesn't work, she goes to her room to be alone and resets on her own
  • Does not respond well to verbal cues
  • Responds well to a bell to signal the next step (contribution time)
  • Whines to get her way
  • Time doesn't matter. The future works itself out without her and she's usually fine with that
  • Wants verbal cues to keep her on schedule in the morning
  • Is very generous and loving
  • When asked nicely with respond in kind

Little Man
  • Asks for help doing things he can do by himself
  • Whines and tantrums to get his way. When ignored moves on and forgets it and moves on
  • Screams when Sweet Girl takes his things away to get his way
  • Throws more tantrums when Sweetie Heart is here because she gives into him
  • Like to play in his room alone before taking his nap
  • Is content on his own in his room in the morning
  • Is more capable then I ask him to be

I'm sure there are a ton more. I need to focus more on the positive things, like the fact they can and do make themselves a hot breakfast most mornings all by themselves. They make their own lunches. They help me make dinner. They help can and do play well together most of the time. They do their own laundry. They bathe themselves. They pick out their own clothes and dress themselves. They do their contributions very well. They know 'how' to do lots of stuff, they just don't.

I am hearing small statements of entitlement. Which really bothers me. But it isn't all their fault. I know that I made that beast. Now I need to tame it. Not with retaliation, but with kindness. I should probably start by apologizing that I taught them that first ans then move forward from there. Here is a great post I just read.

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