I've been busy the last couple of days setting up environments for my kids to succeed. I'm moving stuff around. Doing my best to make the things that I have work. I'm kicking myself for not picking up that free desk on the curb the other day. It would have been perfect! I even tried to get it in the van but it wouldn't fit without me moving the kids around. I just couldn't do that right then. When I went back an hour later it was gone.
I'm looking for bunk beds for the girls room. There is no space for them to play in there at all. There is literally a foot of space between their beds and Sweet Girls mattress in on the floor. If we ever find one that is inexpensive enough for us, we will need another dresser, too. I would like to find one big one. But all of this stuff costs money and we don't have much to spare right now. I looking on craigslist right now. I have always hated the idea of bunk beds...you know the whole falling off and breaking arms and stuff. But Sweetie Heart broke her arm when she feel down a hill so I think I can navigate that if it were to happen again.
I am taking the Parenting on Track class again live. Vicki's not teaching it this time but she trained 4 women how to teach the program so I'm going to attend that while also watching the program Vicki's doing on momTV. I'm fully into this right now. Up to my ears immersed in it and I'm loving it.
This week at church we had a lesson about being a peacemaker. The challenge went out to be a peacemaker in your home for 1 week. We went so far as to challenge the young women I work with to do it for a month. We'll be checking in weekly to see what they are doing and how it is changing their family life. I am doing that too. I know that a lot of the tension in my home comes from me. I get stressed and my mood changes everyone. I am making a conscious effort to smile more. When you smile or frown it changes the way you feel. Read Blink to understand this better. My face in repose tends to frown, so I consciously have to lift my eyebrows and lips to smile. It really is helping though.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Saturday, March 6, 2010
I'm Back
Not sure why I'm not blogging right now. I think maybe it's because I'm going crazy, but that's a different post.
The last two weeks we have been working on Encouragement (as in to instill courage) and Privileges and Responsibilities.
I'm finding it a bit easier to not praise but to encourage instead. When I first started I would praise and then ask questions, so as to encourage the girls. Funny though, Vicki says it's hard for kids to stop getting praise, they seek it because it is given so often. I have found that I have a heard time not giving it. I am doing better. Asking how and what questions. I especially like asking what they like about whatever and asking what they would do different. It really goes deep into how they feel and them learning that they can change the way they do things.
Privileges and Responsibilities are harder for me. I know I let my kids to way too much stuff. It's almost like I feel like I should let my kids do all the things they want to do, even when their actions don't show me they are ready to do them.
Here is my list of Privileges that they haven't earned:
We have been working on how to sit at a table and what is acceptable behavior when we are eating, but we can't seem to get past the sitting in your chair thing. Often Sweet Girl stands/ squats on her chair, next to her chair or through her chair (folding chair.) Sweetie Heart sits on her feet or on the edge of her booster seat. Oh and did I mention she just started belching at the table. NICE!
It only seems fair that we sit down with the kids and tell them they are going to have to start being responsible to earn their privileges. I feel like I should write it down so that they can go look at the list and know what they need to do. We should probably all sit down together so we can make the list and everyone is on the same page. Because I know that when kids help make the rules it is easier to hold them accountable.
I am reading The Five Love Languages of Children, by Gary Chapman. It is very enlightening on how children (and all people) receive love differently. If I know their primary love language then I can fill their love tanks. I gave the girls the test today (found in the back of the book.) Sweetie Heart is physical touch and Sweet Girl is receiving gifts. That must be why Sweetie Heart is always touching me and Sweet Girl is always giving stuff to people. I don't agree with Dr. Chapman's description of encouraging words. Mostly because what he describes is praise not encouragement. Otherwise I find the book very insightful and it is helping me to connect with my kids better.
I guess that's all for now. We are all alive and kickin' (sometimes against the pricks.)
Vicki's away this weekend at a Mom's Retreat this weekend. I so wish I could go! It looks like so much fun and learning. And it would be great to get to hang out with a bunch of other mom's committed to using the Parenting on track Program. There is another one in 2 weeks. If you live in New England and want to attend sign up here. If you don't live in New England and want to sponsor me just let me know!
The last two weeks we have been working on Encouragement (as in to instill courage) and Privileges and Responsibilities.
I'm finding it a bit easier to not praise but to encourage instead. When I first started I would praise and then ask questions, so as to encourage the girls. Funny though, Vicki says it's hard for kids to stop getting praise, they seek it because it is given so often. I have found that I have a heard time not giving it. I am doing better. Asking how and what questions. I especially like asking what they like about whatever and asking what they would do different. It really goes deep into how they feel and them learning that they can change the way they do things.
Privileges and Responsibilities are harder for me. I know I let my kids to way too much stuff. It's almost like I feel like I should let my kids do all the things they want to do, even when their actions don't show me they are ready to do them.
Here is my list of Privileges that they haven't earned:
- play dates
- going to the library
- checking out books from the library
- going out to eat
- doing things after school (art class, after school program)
We have been working on how to sit at a table and what is acceptable behavior when we are eating, but we can't seem to get past the sitting in your chair thing. Often Sweet Girl stands/ squats on her chair, next to her chair or through her chair (folding chair.) Sweetie Heart sits on her feet or on the edge of her booster seat. Oh and did I mention she just started belching at the table. NICE!
It only seems fair that we sit down with the kids and tell them they are going to have to start being responsible to earn their privileges. I feel like I should write it down so that they can go look at the list and know what they need to do. We should probably all sit down together so we can make the list and everyone is on the same page. Because I know that when kids help make the rules it is easier to hold them accountable.
I am reading The Five Love Languages of Children, by Gary Chapman. It is very enlightening on how children (and all people) receive love differently. If I know their primary love language then I can fill their love tanks. I gave the girls the test today (found in the back of the book.) Sweetie Heart is physical touch and Sweet Girl is receiving gifts. That must be why Sweetie Heart is always touching me and Sweet Girl is always giving stuff to people. I don't agree with Dr. Chapman's description of encouraging words. Mostly because what he describes is praise not encouragement. Otherwise I find the book very insightful and it is helping me to connect with my kids better.
I guess that's all for now. We are all alive and kickin' (sometimes against the pricks.)
Vicki's away this weekend at a Mom's Retreat this weekend. I so wish I could go! It looks like so much fun and learning. And it would be great to get to hang out with a bunch of other mom's committed to using the Parenting on track Program. There is another one in 2 weeks. If you live in New England and want to attend sign up here. If you don't live in New England and want to sponsor me just let me know!
Monday, February 22, 2010
Because I Know You Just Can't Get Enough!
Here's Squeak almost 6 months old now. He's changing so much!
Grace
I am sitting here at the computer listing to Taylor Swift's Breathe, a baby sleeping on my chest in the Ergo, the girls upstairs in the bath playing together and I'm crying. Why? Because I have been blessed with so much grace today. We worked together. We played together. We've loved each other. It's been an amazing day.
I let go of today the way Vicki has been encouraging me to do. And you know what? Today has gone so well. Grace.
I let go of today the way Vicki has been encouraging me to do. And you know what? Today has gone so well. Grace.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Weeks 5: The Road Map & Week 6: The Crucial C's
Week 5: The Road Map!
This is a technique that will help you both get to where you want to go. I'm making some up right now. I'll post pictures when I'm done. Vicki offered Forum members a teleclass! This totally explained the Road Map so much better to me. I think I actually understand it now. It can be used to train on a small and large scale. Basically, it just setting long and short term goals and taking time to celebrate a long the way. So simple and yet it has had me a bit confused.
Week 6: The Crucial C's
This is one of my favorite strategies. When I went through the program the first time and practiced this I saw immediate results! It's about taking the time to connect with your kids on a daily basis. It's about helping them to feel capable. It's about helping them to see that their contribution to the family is not just nice but essential for the home to run smoothly. It's about courage and helping them to know that you have faith in them and what they can do, no matter how hard.
It also takes time for me to do this. I have to use my Road Map to make my plan on how I'm going to do this. But when I give up all the nagging, reminding, badgering etc, then I have the time to focus on the Crucial C's! I'll let you know how it goes.
The Crucial Cs were developed by Drs. Betty Lou Bettner and Amy Lew. For additional information on this topic, please visit http://www.connexionspress.com/books.htm
In other news, I think Squeak has food allergies. Very sad, but I'm seeing the signs and am talking action. Most of you know that Sweet Girl had some pretty severe food allergies that started almost at birth. Squeak is getting some of the same symptoms...facial rash, patches of eczema on his back, arms and legs. I talked to the doctor and she recommended that I do an elimination diet, which was what I had planned to do. I'm eliminating all the things Sweet Girl was allergic to. Not too much; eggs, dairy, nuts, beef. The beginning is always the toughest. It's the, What do I eat, now? question. I've done it before so here I go. Wish us luck!
Sweetie Heart has decided that she wants to play the guitar. So she is now saving her money to buy on. She has a bit from Christmas that she has saved. We went to the music store and she held one. She really wants it now, but Webby and I talked about it and have agreed that her saving her money for it and having to delay gratifacation is the right thing to do. We will pay for her lessons once she gets one. I've already looked in to lessons locally.
Sweet Girl started doing art classes at a local art studio that is run by a friend. She has really been enjoying it. Next session she will be doing a Pirate Art class. She is very excited about it. She loves pirates! My sister-in-law sent a pirate costume and Sweet Girl dressed up as one for Halloween!
This is a technique that will help you both get to where you want to go. I'm making some up right now. I'll post pictures when I'm done. Vicki offered Forum members a teleclass! This totally explained the Road Map so much better to me. I think I actually understand it now. It can be used to train on a small and large scale. Basically, it just setting long and short term goals and taking time to celebrate a long the way. So simple and yet it has had me a bit confused.
Week 6: The Crucial C's
This is one of my favorite strategies. When I went through the program the first time and practiced this I saw immediate results! It's about taking the time to connect with your kids on a daily basis. It's about helping them to feel capable. It's about helping them to see that their contribution to the family is not just nice but essential for the home to run smoothly. It's about courage and helping them to know that you have faith in them and what they can do, no matter how hard.
It also takes time for me to do this. I have to use my Road Map to make my plan on how I'm going to do this. But when I give up all the nagging, reminding, badgering etc, then I have the time to focus on the Crucial C's! I'll let you know how it goes.
The Crucial Cs were developed by Drs. Betty Lou Bettner and Amy Lew. For additional information on this topic, please visit http://www.connexionspress.
In other news, I think Squeak has food allergies. Very sad, but I'm seeing the signs and am talking action. Most of you know that Sweet Girl had some pretty severe food allergies that started almost at birth. Squeak is getting some of the same symptoms...facial rash, patches of eczema on his back, arms and legs. I talked to the doctor and she recommended that I do an elimination diet, which was what I had planned to do. I'm eliminating all the things Sweet Girl was allergic to. Not too much; eggs, dairy, nuts, beef. The beginning is always the toughest. It's the, What do I eat, now? question. I've done it before so here I go. Wish us luck!
Sweetie Heart has decided that she wants to play the guitar. So she is now saving her money to buy on. She has a bit from Christmas that she has saved. We went to the music store and she held one. She really wants it now, but Webby and I talked about it and have agreed that her saving her money for it and having to delay gratifacation is the right thing to do. We will pay for her lessons once she gets one. I've already looked in to lessons locally.
Sweet Girl started doing art classes at a local art studio that is run by a friend. She has really been enjoying it. Next session she will be doing a Pirate Art class. She is very excited about it. She loves pirates! My sister-in-law sent a pirate costume and Sweet Girl dressed up as one for Halloween!
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Welcome to Parenting On Track™
For those of you who have not seen her and for those of you who follow her like an obsessed person (ahem), here is another opportunity to learn from Vicki.
Thursday, February 18 at 8pm.
Go here, watch and register. What better way to spend 60 minutes than with my BFF. See you there!
Welcome to Parenting On Track™
Posted using ShareThis
Thursday, February 18 at 8pm.
Go here, watch and register. What better way to spend 60 minutes than with my BFF. See you there!
Welcome to Parenting On Track™
Posted using ShareThis
Friday, February 5, 2010
Week 4: Four Mistaken Goal of Behavior
This is a great week full of discovery! Vicki's explanation will be better than anything I have to say. Inn essence it comes down to this. Kids do what they do to get our attention. Kids don't care what kind of attention they get or how they get it. So the act up and act out to get our attention.
Kids want to belong. They want to know where they fit in the family. Here are four ways they do it.
The question for the week is, "How does understanding my feelings about my child’s behavior, change the way I see situations?"
So I wrote down the list and have been keeping track for how my kids attention seeking behavior makes me feel. I mist say, there are things that I am able to ignore pretty well. It doesn't push my buttons anymore. But I'm aware of that and am still keeping track of when that tactic is being used. So far what I am seeing is this. Both of the girls mostly use undue attention and power. Sweetie Heart uses power more often and will slip into revenge and assumed inadequacy/ avoidance but that has only happened a couple of times this week. Sweet Girl use undue attention the most, power occasionally and usually with her sister. Revenge and avoidance has only been used a few times in her life (she's only 4) and interestingly in the last couple of months.
Being aware of my feelings when they do these things is helping me to see what they are trying to get out of me. It all comes back to attention. One of the things Vicki said that really struck me, like a brick to the forehead, is this, "A misbehaving child is a discouraged child." So my children are discouraged and want to know they have a place in my heart. But the things they do make me push them away and they become more discouraged.
So now I'm wondering, how do you ignore the weed and at the same time encourage them that they have place when they using one of the four mistaken goals of behavior? I'm thinking the answer might be, that we need to encourage them when they are not in that place and ignore the weed when they are.
This is the last week of discovery. I have learned so much about myself. I have broken down so many on my own roadblocks. I have delved deeper into my own issues. I am understanding myself better and am realizing why I behave the way I do. And, hopefully, I'm becoming better. I slip back but I'm doing the best I can to step forward into what really works.
The real work is about to start. Fasten your seat belts!
Kids want to belong. They want to know where they fit in the family. Here are four ways they do it.
- Undue Attention
- Power
- Revenge
- Assumed Inadequacy/ Avoidance
The question for the week is, "How does understanding my feelings about my child’s behavior, change the way I see situations?"
So I wrote down the list and have been keeping track for how my kids attention seeking behavior makes me feel. I mist say, there are things that I am able to ignore pretty well. It doesn't push my buttons anymore. But I'm aware of that and am still keeping track of when that tactic is being used. So far what I am seeing is this. Both of the girls mostly use undue attention and power. Sweetie Heart uses power more often and will slip into revenge and assumed inadequacy/ avoidance but that has only happened a couple of times this week. Sweet Girl use undue attention the most, power occasionally and usually with her sister. Revenge and avoidance has only been used a few times in her life (she's only 4) and interestingly in the last couple of months.
Being aware of my feelings when they do these things is helping me to see what they are trying to get out of me. It all comes back to attention. One of the things Vicki said that really struck me, like a brick to the forehead, is this, "A misbehaving child is a discouraged child." So my children are discouraged and want to know they have a place in my heart. But the things they do make me push them away and they become more discouraged.
So now I'm wondering, how do you ignore the weed and at the same time encourage them that they have place when they using one of the four mistaken goals of behavior? I'm thinking the answer might be, that we need to encourage them when they are not in that place and ignore the weed when they are.
This is the last week of discovery. I have learned so much about myself. I have broken down so many on my own roadblocks. I have delved deeper into my own issues. I am understanding myself better and am realizing why I behave the way I do. And, hopefully, I'm becoming better. I slip back but I'm doing the best I can to step forward into what really works.
The real work is about to start. Fasten your seat belts!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Get a Tissue
Here's another wonderful message. Good luck keeping your eyes dry.
Here's what I am realizing. As I let go of my control. Look deeper at the way I am and why. I am discovering who I can be....who I want to be. That person is different. That person laughs more, loves stronger and enjoys the moment because she knows it is the moments that make a life truly fulfilling. Like the message in the video, the events are great but the ordinary, everyday is the stuff is miraculous. And too soon you are saying goodbye and welcome to adulthood and still worrying if you prepared them enough. We spend so much time protecting them and holding them back when they are young. Trying to keep them young, when in fact, from the day they are born they are moving away from you. Now is the time to teach and encourage and love to the fullest. And as we let go and teach we pull our children closer because they trust that we are not going to hold them back.
Here's what I am realizing. As I let go of my control. Look deeper at the way I am and why. I am discovering who I can be....who I want to be. That person is different. That person laughs more, loves stronger and enjoys the moment because she knows it is the moments that make a life truly fulfilling. Like the message in the video, the events are great but the ordinary, everyday is the stuff is miraculous. And too soon you are saying goodbye and welcome to adulthood and still worrying if you prepared them enough. We spend so much time protecting them and holding them back when they are young. Trying to keep them young, when in fact, from the day they are born they are moving away from you. Now is the time to teach and encourage and love to the fullest. And as we let go and teach we pull our children closer because they trust that we are not going to hold them back.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
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