Tuesday, June 8, 2010

The Hairy Eyeball

There are a lot of things for me to post about. I think blog posts all the time. When I finally sit down to write one I tend to forget. This one is freshest.

Yesterday Sweet Girl, squeak and I went to help a friend, who is graduating from high school and her family is moving, go through her stuff. You know how hard it is to get rid of your stuff and here she is preparing for 2 big life changers. So I asked what I could do to help her and she asked if I would come over and help her go through some of her stuff. I digress.

We left their place in just enough time to get home and walk over to get Sweetie Heart for school. We were cutting it a bit close so I wasn't sure if I'd just be driving to the school or if I would have enough time to get home and pack the baby up and walk over. We ended up having time to walk.

It's about a 30 minute drive and on the way home both kids fell asleep. I don't blame them, I was tired, too. I started talking to Sweet Girl when we were getting close, but it didn't seem to matter. So we pulled in and I opened the doors to the van. Sweet Girls' eyes popped open with a look of panic in them. I soothingly told her we were home and needed to go pick up her sister. She could either walk or ride her bike. She started screaming that she didn't want to do either. She wanted to drive!!! I calmly explained that we were going to walk and that she could choose to ride her bike if she wanted, but when I came back out if she didn't have her bike out she would be choosing to walk.

I took Squeak in the house and put him on my back in the ergo. When I came back out she was standing outside the van, telling me that she was not going to go. I'm talking arms crossed, foot stomping, yelling at me. I kept my cool and took her gently by the arm and explained that she would be going with me. I explained that I understood that she was tired and wanted to be home. We would be able to be back home as soon as we picked up her sister.

She screamed. She tried to pull away. She tried to dig in her heals. And I pulled her along. We were going to the school, so of course, there were lots of people out. People driving by. People on their porches. People picking up their own kids. Sweet Girls continued the whole. way. there! I just smiled. I waved at people I knew. And I kept reassuring her that we would be going home as soon as we picked up sister.

When we were a block and a half away from the school, a half a block from the corner I was approaching, I saw a woman stop. This was someone I didn't know. Great. She stood there a minute and watched us approach then she slowly walked on.

In front of the school is a large yard area. I'd say it's about a half a block long. As I approached the school I let go of Sweet Girl. I wanted to see what she would do if I let go and continued to the school. I expected that she would take a few steps and then follow me. I was wrong. She said, "I'm going home. RIGHT! NOW!" and started walking to the street. I had to run to catch her. She was going to go home by herself! Now remember I had a 17lb baby on my back. Not an easy thing to do. Would she have followed through with walking all the way back home? I don't know. But I think that falls under the "physically dangerous" headings so I did what I had to to get her to stay with me. I took her by the arm again and guided her to the school. I tried to distract her to no avail.

As I looked towards the school, waiting for Sweetie Heart to emerge I noticed that the same woman (the one I didn't) was watching me from inside the school. She just stood there and watched me for a few minutes. I guess I passed her test when she saw me talking to other parents with me gripping this child by the arm. Then she disappeared.

All in all I am glad that someone would stop and take notice of a screaming child being dragged along by an adult. But I also felt a little judged, not just by her but by teachers, by other parents and adults, by my neighbors. But I kept my head up and kept taking steps forward.

I also see my child as very strong willed. She will not be a victim. She will fight back and defend. She has the courage to do what needs to be done to get what she wants...even at 4 1/2.

PS. dad you don't have to call me. I'm okay. It will all be fine. Thank you for your support!


MidwifeMama said...

I know how hard it is to stick to your guns and stay calm and positive, when you feel like everyone is watching and judging. Nice work! Maybe you can incorporate her strength into an appreciation for Fam Meeting!

Liz McCoy said...

OH what a mommy moment!! My 3yo is very grumpy of late and loves the word NO and is testing his boundaries big time. I can totally understand your position and it seems like it went well???

How was she on the way home???

I have a hard time remembering not to judge other parents. I AM NOT PERFECT and my child is NOT PERFECT. and other people aren't perfect either LOL i just have to remind myself of that :P

Sarah said...

The walk home went fine. She was happy as a lark. It was like it had never happened.... except I was a complete emotional mess.

I try to look at mom's going through similar experiences with compassion. Just tell them that I know how it is. But sometimes I loose track. Everyone has one of those days and parents can't control their kids emotions. I am SOOOO far from prefect. But if I just keep moving it tends to work stuff out.