We decided to do a Marble Jar. We are focusing on appreciating one another for all the wonderful things that we do everyday. We discussed at family meeting what we wanted to work towards. We decided that we would work towards going out to breakfast as a family. We so seldom do that. For the last 3 weeks we have been working towards getting those marbles (okay they are rocks. It's what I had on hand.) It looks like this weekend we will have earned all out marbles and get to go out!
There has been a bit of training that has had to go along with earning a "clink" (that's the sound the rock makes when it's dropped into the glass. In the beginning and even now I have been doing a bit of pointing out. I would say, "Wow, that was nice of your sister to do that! If you appreciate her you could get a clink." I have been pretty good about appreciating the kids and Webby more. And it has changed so much in our home. Not surprisingly, when you start looking for the positive the mood shifts that way.
It's been great to see the success of our family!
It has been going really well! It really works hand in hand with Privileges and Responsibilities.
Here is our P&R Board. It's kept in the kitchen. I move each tack forward every morning so I remember to do it. I also spend a lot of time in the kitchen, so it's a good place for me to keep track.
In the morning I've been asking the question, "What is your goal? And what do you need to do?"
That seems to be helping each of the children to remember and refocus on their goal.
There have been lots of success and some restarts, but that's all apart of the learning.
The most amazing thing that I have seen is in Sweetie Heart (8). She has been trying to earn the privilege to have a friend spend the night since September. Up to this point, she hasn't been able to get past 4 days in a row. Her mouth and attitude tend to get in the way. She has told me that she has a really hard time controlling her temper. But she blames everyone else when she has to start over.
So Webby and I decided to give her a "Marble Jar" for the privilege of having a friend come over for dinner and a movie on Friday night. We are tracking this on the same sheet and in the same way we do the P&R. The responsibilities are the same, the difference is that she isn't going to loose the "marble" for loosing her temper and she needs to get 15 marbles to earn the privilege. I has been amazing to see how she has stepped up. I think once she saw that she could get past 4 in the marble jar she felt encouraged that she could do it. It carried over to her P&R. She has been able to earn both privileges for this weekend. No one she wanted could spend the night this weekend, so we're planning on next weekend. She is going to a friend's house for dinner tonight and is super excited about it!
Sweet Girl (5) has been working to earn the privilege of going to a friends house and putting her dishing in the dish washer. She is really bad about leaving her dishes on the table and not rinsing her dishes before she puts them in the dishwasher. She needs to clear her place and wash her dishes after each meal for 4 days. She has gone back and forth with the dishes and is really easy going about having to wash her dishes by hand. She also is working on going to play at a friend's house, which she has earned as of today. And we are going to a friend's house for lunch this afternoon!
I know appreciating each other is important. And we've been doing it here and there and at Family Meeting. But I don't think I realized how huge of an impact it would make on my family. We are having more fun, laughing more, helping each other more! It has been great!
I LOVE the Marble Jar. Here are some tips to using a Marble Jar.
Checkout the Marble Jar app here! And become a fan of both the Marble Jar and Parenting on Track on FaceBook and Twitter!
6 comments:
Hey Sarah. Seems you have experienced the power of the Marble Jar AND kept the integrity of it. I suspect it will be harder for other parents who still use Rewards, be it POPS or PAWS or BEES to try and manipulate kids into being "GOOD". It's moms like you that will help keep the integrity of the program encourage other parents to walk away from the limited benefits of rewarding kids.
The other thing I personally love about the Marble Jar is that it will help PARENTS rise to the occasion and parent from THEIR best. We are always talking about what the kids could do better and in my experience, I have just as much learning and growing to do as my kids do.
So create a Marble Jar for yourself as well and watch what happens when you put yourself into the game.
Love to all. V
This is great Sarah...thanks for really describing how to stay on track and use the app. It should be in your hands next week! It will follow in the app store in mid June.
I love the Marble Jar. I just wish I could use the app. I don't have an iphone or ipad. :( Wish there was something for a regular computer. My sister is beta testing it though.
I am so glad you showed me this! We've been wondering how to keep the kids actually DOING their responsibilities without creating "rewards." Both your charts and the marble jars give me ideas I'm excited to try out!
If we meet our sales benchmark I will develop a web version of it. Won't be portable though like the mobile which was my main motivation!
I think I must be missing something. I watched this video, and then when I tried to enlarge the photos, it ran me to a link talking about your school's POPS program. It seems that you are excited by the marble jar (for more than just appreciation spotlighting, I mean), but fear that POPS is just a reward program.... but I can't see the difference between the two. ???
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